How To Get Rid Of A Great Detective's Suspicion
by Shou-Hato
Summary: So, a Great Detective suspects of you being that murderer everybody are talking about. And everything you say makes him more suspicious. In these three incredibly easy steps, you will play him like a fool! Crack, No Pairings.


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So, you are a bored High School Student, stuck in a world filled with criminals and injustice, because frankly, the world sucks. And you, dear reader, happened to find a perfect plan to get rid of your world's suckiness when- wait, we meant some _other _mysterious person, _certainly not you_, have managed to find a way to get rid of the world's suckiness, by changing it and ridding it of criminals. And the person doing it certainly _not _being you. But, suddenly, this _immature sore loser _with a sweet tooth, weird manners and a bad case of insomnia comes and tells you he is looking for that other mysterious person because he is that world famous Great Detective everybody are talking about, and that he suspects _you _of being him. Which you are not. Really. How Dare he? How can he have the nerve to suspect _you, _the handsome teen genius, who is great like that? And is certainly _not _secretly evil with eyes that turn red when you feel evil to prove it? Unfortunately, proving the truth is hard. Great Detectives aren't all that great, since their suspicions are always directed towards the wrong people and you, dear reader of this mysteriously-written manual, have just become a poor victim of a Great Detective. Which is why we (Who are "We", anyway?) created this manual, for victims of Great Detectives who are suspected wrongly, to throw of all suspicions. Trust _us_, since we happen to rule like that, you are guaranteed to throw off all suspicion with the help of this manual. Just follow these incredibly easy steps, with scenes illustrating every step!

**1. When that Great Detective comes and tells you about his being a Great Detective (he probably won't tell you of his suspicion yet, but he will soon)**, **pretend to be a shy, nervous and a little confused little boy. We **_**all **_**know Evil Murderers are **_**not **_**shy little boys who are fans of Great Detectives.**

_"I am L!"_

Thank goodness Light Yagami did not have a drink or food in his mouth right now, though he was too awesomely polite to spit it out due to shock. But still, this was the weirdest thing that ever happened to him… and trust us, a _lot _of weird things happened to him, things like having dreams about magic bananas and radioactive penguins, making dramas out of eating potato chips and feeling evil from writing in a notebook… though said notebook was an Artifact of Doom, so it was for a reason.

It didn't help that the way 'L' announced his identity into his ear, Light could almost hear a Maniacal, Mad-Scientist-y, 'Muahahaha'-ish laugh following after those three words. It would fit the moment.

When Light turned around, he found himself at a loss for words and just let out a "Uhh...I see." Well _that_ was brilliant. But really, how would _you _react if someone would come and tell you they were that detective everybody are talking about when you are the one he's- we mean, when you support the one (And are _not_ the one you support) who he's trying to find and arrest? "Hi." He added quickly, just to be polite. "I'm a big fan of you!", he put on a small grin and put up a fake look on his face that said that he was surprised with the fact that he talked at all.

"Really?" 'L' handed over his hand, yet Light pretended not to notice."

**Extra Tip: Pretending to have occasional short-term-memory loss days helps.**

"That's Great!" L shook his hand under Light's nose, hoping to catch his attention. Light's gaze stayed focused in the sky.

"What is?" Light looked at L as though he just noticed the latter's being there, let alone his existence.

"…That fact that you're a fan of me?"

"I am? Who are you?"

"L."

"El. Nice name. And it only has two letters…"

"_No! I meant that I am L, that detective-"_

"Oh Yeah! Now I remember! Wait…_you are L?!" _And then Light proceeded to spit something on the floor, pretending to think he had something in his mouth. Upon _pretending _to realize that, Light _pretend-_innocently-but-guiltily looked at 'L'.

"_I forgot _I wasn't eating or drinking anything and didn't have anything in my mouth…"

**2. As Great Detectives, He won't tell you his suspicions right away. He will probably challenge you to some kind of match, like a game. A friendly game of tennis, basketball or soccer. Most likely tennis. And we have no idea why we said that. But anyway, pretend you are just some idiot, because murderers are **_**not **_**idiots, and act spacey. Oh, and act like you've got some mind problems. As though you're not really sane.**

"How about a friendly game of tennis?"

No response. Light was staring at the sky.

"Yagami?"

"That cloud looks like a potato chip…an _epic _potato chip…" Light muttered under his breath, "And that one looks like the talking butterfly with the obsession with apples I saw the other day… and is that a radioactive penguin?"

L was not amused.

Neither was Ryuk, and he wasn't happy with that, because really, the only thing Ryuk cares about is his own amusement.

"…Light? You okay?" He said slowly, forgetting that Light couldn't reply. And then, to Ryuk's utmost shock (When he suddenly remembered that he wasn't supposed to talk to Light in public because he couldn't reply,) Light turned to him, a wild and crazy grin on his face, and said:

" I'm awesome! I'm in a great position now? Why do you ask?"

Ryuk's jaw (If he had one) dropped, which was _not _a pretty sight, but then again, jaw dropping in general is not a pretty sight.

"Yagami-kun? Who are you talking to?"

The fake wild crazy grin disappeared from Light's face and his expression changed to a jaw-is-almost-dropped-esque shock as he looked at L.

"_What? _You can't see the black-and purple butterfly that is talking to me?"

Now it was L's turn to be confused. Though not really… nobody was actually confused before.

"Umm..okay, never mind…So how about that game of tennis?"

"Hey, Ryuuga? Ever wonder where the eraser bits go? And why bananas are yellow? And why tennis balls look like lemons? And what is the meaning of life? Could It be radioactive penguins? And why do clouds always take the shape of random things that you are thinking about? Hey, that one looks like an eraser! And that one looks like a banana! And that one looks like a lemon… or is it a tennis ball? Or a magic banana-like ninja penguin?"

"…"

**3. After that, he'll probably tell you of his suspicions. Continue being an idiot, in addition to everything you've been until then. It helps.**

"I suspect that you are Kira."

"Kira? You mean, 'Killer', right? You need some pronunciation lessons."

"…No, I meant 'Kira'. You know, that mysterious murderer?"

"So he's a murderer? Then he's probably the reason for Global Warming! Kira is a godly force that uses heat and frying pans to kill us all! Oh my God! We're all gonna die!"

Silence.

Light was grinning like crazy for some reason.

Ryuk was too occupied with the apples Light gave him to really care.

L was wondering what to say now.

And then the ice was broken... rather weirdly.

"O-oh, Mi-ice!" Light sang, really badly.

And L was not really surprised. All he did is continue his investigation and take out the files.

"These are notes written by Kira's victims. Notice anything?"

"Well, they spelled 'Kira' wrong. And they really need to make it less dramatic and just say 'Kira killed me, farewell cruel world.' Those guys… if they wouldn't have been criminals they could've become poets!...The world sucks, doesn't it, L?"

He knew he should have expected it, but for some reason, L couldn't help feeling the need to bang his head against the table.

**And here they are! In those three easy steps, the Great Detective will no longer be suspicious and everything will be good! We take no responsibility for the side effects.**

"…And it was then when I decided that he was _not _Kira, because Kira is an immature sore loser. And your son, Mr. Yagami, is not an immature sore loser. I realized that he's not Kira, he's just some idiot with problems."L finished his story.

Now the entire investigation team was gaping. Soon all gazes were directed at Soichiro Yagami, who looked as confused as the others.

"T-That's not possible! That _couldn't _have been my son! My son is a genius, a brilliant student and quite normal!" _Except for his habit of making occasional dramas out of eating dinners and apples…and maybe Potato Chips._

Matsuda was, for some mysterious reason, laughing quietly. L turned his look from Soichiro to Matsuda.

"What's so funny, Matsuda?"

"My aunt had a weird dream the other day. And guess what was involved? She was on a flying pig, chased by tennis balls that looked like lemons, radioactive penguins, magic bananas that looked mysteriously like golden apples, and she was chasing _after _eraser bits, talking purple butterflies that were carrying juicy red apples, potato chips and _other _flying pigs…oh and there was a tomato involved…" He decided not to mention the fact that she died after saying that.

--

"So it was all an act?" Ryuk asked Light later.

"Exactly! I played him like a fool! But then again, I am _justice, _not some idiot with problems."

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End file.
